Couples Counselling

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Feel that your relationship or marriage is really good apart from the same “Groundhog day” discussion or disagreement with your partner or spouse that keeps coming up, escalating into a row and spoiling everything?

Would like to stop those eye rolling moments where you think “here we go again” and then you both fall into that horrid, familiar pattern that you just can’t seem to get out of?

Couples Counselling involves me as an objective 3rd party helping you makes sense of what is really going on as, 9 times out of 10 the issue is NOT what you might be scrapping about (anything from how to pack a dishwasher to not feeling appreciated to how to bring up children) but how each of you feels about the thing, what meaning you’re making of it, what deeper, older emotional wounds, vulnerabilities or resentments are flaring up, spilling into the present and causing the upset.

To set up a non-chargeable 50 minute “Chemistry Test” please call 07950 986 085 or email clairedysoncounselling@gmail.com.  If we do go on to work together then my rate is £80 per session, possibly a bit of an “ouch” in the short term perhaps but soon forgotten in the lifetime of peace and harmony that follows once these sticking points are resolved.  The object of the exercise is I come in, help you see the wood for the trees, show you both that you have the resources to manage your relationship and get out as soon as possible.

How many sessions it takes depends on how determined you are to understand the “dance” (the true Enemy that has crept into your relationship, not necessarily each other) into which you both get locked, unite against it, change your behaviour so you decline its invitation as soon as you notice The Enemy is holding out its hand and inviting you onto the dance floor, both decide what you’ll do differently instead to handle the situation to stop stepping so painfully on each other’s toes then practice, practice, practice between sessions.  Certainly my aim is to be in and out in 6 – 8 sessions although it can vary, it depends what we find once we start the work.

We work together to find the key logs in the log jam then shift to identifying and drawing on your own resources in deciding what to do about with my aim is to make myself redundant as soon as possible.

The aim is not “we manage because we go to Claire” but to get to “yep, that’s the log, we can see what it is, we’ll make choices about it, we don’t need you in”.

For those of you who like to know a bit more about what will happen, I am trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy which broadly follows these stages and steps:

STAGE 1 : DE-ESCALATION (CALM EVERYTHING DOWN, IDENTIFY FLASHPOINTS)

  1. Assessment (AKA Chemistry Test session)
  2. Identify negative cycle / Attachment issues
  3. Access underlying primary attachment emotions
  4. Frame problem – cycle, attachment needs / fears.

STAGE 2 – RESTRUCTURING THE BOND (RECONNECT AND WORK TOGETHER)

  1. Access and engage with implicit primary needs, fears, sense of self.
  2. Promote acceptance by other – expand the dance.
  3. Structure open and responsive emotional engagement – express attachment needs.

STAGE 3: CONSOLIDATION (PRACTICE NEW WAYS TO HANDLE OLD FLASHPOINTS)

  1. Enact new positions / cycles. Shape new stories of problems and repair
  2. Support the couple to shape new solutions to pragmatic issues

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