Do you find the same “Groundhog day” discussion or disagreement with your partner keeps coming up, escalating into a row and spoiling an otherwise good relationship?
Would you like to stop those eye rolling moments where you think “here we go again” yet you both seem powerless to get out of this hurtful, destructive cycle by yourselves? How the emotional climate goes from sunny to Siberia (or Vesuvius) with just a look or a sound or a word in a “0 to 60” moment?
In couples counselling the three of us take an objective, non-judgemental look at the relationship you and your partner have created between you. We acknowledge what each likes and enjoys about it, investigate what drives those upsetting cycles and share what each would like to be different.
The aim is to help you both make sense of what is really going on in your relationship. 9 times out of 10, the issue ISN’T the thing you’re scrapping about but how each of you feels about the thing. We’ll get at what deeper, older emotional wounds, vulnerabilities, expectations or resentments are flaring up in the hope that, through this better mutual understanding, you each feel a softening towards the other and are motivated to find a kinder, more constructive pattern of relating as a result.
To set up a non-chargeable 60 minute “Chemistry Test” please call 07950 986 085 or email firstname.lastname@example.org. If we do go on to work together then my rate is £80 per 60 minute session, possibly a bit of an “ouch” in the short term perhaps but soon forgotten in the lifetime of peace and harmony that follows once these sticking points are resolved. The object of the exercise is I come in, help you see the wood for the trees, show you both that you have the resources to manage your relationship and get out as soon as possible.
How many sessions it takes depends on how determined you are to understand the “dance” (the true Enemy that has crept into your relationship, not necessarily each other) into which you both get locked, unite against it, change your behaviour so you decline its invitation as soon as you notice The Enemy is holding out its hand and inviting you onto the dance floor, both decide what you’ll do differently instead to handle the situation to stop stepping so painfully on each other’s toes then practice, practice, practice between sessions. Certainly my aim is to be in and out in approximately 8 sessions although it can vary, it depends on what we find once we start the work.
We work together to find the key logs in the log jam then shift to identifying and drawing on your own resources in deciding what to do about with my aim is to make myself redundant as soon as possible.
The aim is not “we manage because we go to Claire” but to get to “yep, that’s the log, we can see what it is, we’ll make choices about it, we don’t need you in”.
To find out more probably the best thing to do is come along and experience what it would be like to work together by having a (non-chargeable) “chemistry test” session.
To book please call +44 (0)7950 986 085 or email email@example.com
For those of you who like to know a bit more about what will happen, I am trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy which broadly follows these stages and steps:
STAGE 1 : DE-ESCALATION (CALM EVERYTHING DOWN, IDENTIFY FLASHPOINTS)
- Assessment (AKA Chemistry Test session)
- Identify negative cycle / Attachment issues
- Access underlying primary attachment emotions
- Frame problem – cycle, attachment needs / fears.
STAGE 2 – RESTRUCTURING THE BOND (RECONNECT AND WORK TOGETHER)
- Access and engage with implicit primary needs, fears, sense of self.
- Promote acceptance by other – expand the dance.
- Structure open and responsive emotional engagement – express attachment needs.
STAGE 3: CONSOLIDATION (PRACTICE NEW WAYS TO HANDLE OLD FLASHPOINTS)
- Enact new positions / cycles. Shape new stories of problems and repair
- Support the couple to shape new solutions to pragmatic issues
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