For me, the perfect relationships are the ones in which the imperfections are handled well.

For me (and in the context of pretty much any relationship: friend, partner, child), the perfect relationship is one where the imperfections are handled well. When I am presented with anything that feels “picture perfect” (like this window box in a Chelsea flower show show garden) I find myself thinking “in my LIfe this levelContinue reading “For me, the perfect relationships are the ones in which the imperfections are handled well.”

Our brains are like plasticine

Our brains are like plasticine with peaks, according to Dr Loretta Breuning PhD, in this “neuroplasticity” (as it is called) aged 0 to 2, at about 7 to 8 and in adolescence when our brain, in effect, melts down and is re-cast in adult form. The stimulation of new experiences, and the love and fascinationContinue reading “Our brains are like plasticine”

Looking forward to HRH The Duchess of Cambridge’s announcement

I am so looking forward to the “Big Change Starts Small” news to come from Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge this week.   Over and over again the people I work with who have turned to food to feel better rather than to people did so because of early experience with caregivers. Some of myContinue reading “Looking forward to HRH The Duchess of Cambridge’s announcement”

So what is this “Counselling” all about then?

When people ask “so what is counselling?” I say, for me, counselling is about creating the conditions where a client feels safe and supported enough to bravely turn and interact with their emotions from a position of curiosity rather than a position of fear or dread, and thereby gain understanding, rather than trying to outrunContinue reading “So what is this “Counselling” all about then?”

Winnicott the shit out of parenting. Be a gem…

I found myself replying to a friend (who had declared themself fed up with reading “mums advice” from “people who think they know it all and that they are perfect”), with something that, on reflection, felt perhaps it may be helpful to also share here so here it is: “Winnicott the shit out of parenthood.Continue reading “Winnicott the shit out of parenting. Be a gem…”

Sometimes the smaller picture is more calming

Sometimes it is soothing to widen one’s perspective to take in the bigger world and then a problem we face can seem small in comparison and we relax and find calm and inner peace……and sometimes soothing is found by really narrowing our perspective and focussing in tight on those things which give us a senseContinue reading “Sometimes the smaller picture is more calming”

Think of emotions as motorcycle couriers trying to get a message to you

I think the trouble starts when some of us have been taught by those who cared for us growing up that certain emotions are bad or negative when the fact we have them at all means they must serve some useful purpose otherwise evolution would have got rid of them a long time ago.  Rather than working like madContinue reading “Think of emotions as motorcycle couriers trying to get a message to you”

Microbiome: The buzzword of the moment but what exactly is it?

  A biome is “a large naturally occurring community of flora and fauna occupying a major habitat such as a forest or tundra.”  We offer a habitat for microorganisms e.g. bacteria, virus and fungus, which form our microbiome. Whilst microbes that cause athlete’s foot, body odour or bad breath are annoying most “pay their rent”:Continue reading “Microbiome: The buzzword of the moment but what exactly is it?”

Change how you think of change

Struggling to get started on changing some aspect of your life? Perhaps adopting DiClemente’s and Prochaska’s way of looking at change will help.  Rather than thinking of change as a single act their research suggests it is a process with a number of stages including lapses along the way (please refer to photo above). AContinue reading “Change how you think of change”

Ideas for how to manage cravings

In my experience working with people caught up in runaway comfort eating (aka emotional eating or binge eating) the best way to manage cravings is to get to the bottom of what is driving the craving and address THAT. To do this, when a craving comes, stop, pause and notice what happened immediately before theContinue reading “Ideas for how to manage cravings”